Youth Discovers Prehistoric
Remains at Jurong Snow Park
Jurong — Singapore anthropologists have
confirmed that the remains found buried beneath the snow at the Jurong
Snow Park belong to a prehistoric wooly mammoth and may date back 20,000
years.
The remains were accidentally uncovered by
local youth Ravi Kumar, 7, when his older brother Krishna, 9, rode him
down the snow hill like a human loge. Ravi hit his head on something
“large, frozen, and smelly”, prompting authorities to dig down
beneath the snow, uncovering the frozen prehistoric beast.
The find is a boon for the Singapore scientific
community, who will study the remains to find out clues about life in
Singapore before Lee Kwan Yew.
NUS Professor of Anthropology Dr. Chee Meng Loong, in
charge of analyzing the findings, said, “A long time ago, these wooly
mammoths roamed free in Singapore until the Ice Age came and killed them
all. This specimen froze to death and has been preserved in its natural
state for thousands of years. For the Singapore anthropological
community, it is a tragedy with a happy ending, much like the movie
‘Titanic’.” Dr. Chee
went on to say that he hasn’t been part of a finding this big since he found a bone from the thought-to-be-extinct Laksafish in his
fishball noodle soup two years ago.
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Minister's Proposal For Glass
Dome Shattered In Parliament
A minister’s proposal to build a glass dome
around the entire nation of Singapore was summarily rejected by
Parliament yesterday. Minister Lee Kum Kee’s idea of simultaneously
protecting Singapore from “haze, illegal immigration, and damaging UV
rays” by building a 2000m high glass dome around the island nation was
voted down 151-2. The proposed dome would have cost about $3.1 billion
Singapore dollars or if made in Indonesia, about 20 trillion rupiah
(about $188 Singapore dollars).
“It was a ridiculous idea.” Stated one
Minister, who asked to remain anonymous. “It would take only one well
thrown rock to break it and send it crashing down. My proposal for a
dome of transparent aluminum is far better. Once my time travel machine
is complete, the rest will be easy.”
Minister Lee and one other minister, Yu Beng Wah,
were the only two voting in favor of the glass dome. Said Minister Yu,
“I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.”
Last year, Minister Lee’s only other
proposal, to send 10,000 Singaporean National Servicemen on a space
mission to colonize the distant galaxy of Andromeda was also soundly
defeated.
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